TICKTOCK that awful clock!!!!

It’s a dark day, we are all aloud to have them!

The countdown began Feb 15 2014. The giant clock appeared over my head and has never disappeared. Some days it is quieter but sometimes it ticks at a deafening tempo. I know I can’t focus on that stupid clock. Jesus knows I try but how can I ignore the fact that I am going to die, and sooner than expected. Yes, time is a gift but knowing and yet not knowing when the ball is going to drop is maddening!!!!

I try googling my stats dx @ 39, dx as metastatic dx with bone mets and lymph system etc. ect.  Just trying to find answers, hope. Tell me my specific prognosis!!!!!  The truth is, there is NO specific prognosis. I hate that, but I still search. I torture myself some days.

Cancer is as cancer does!

Shut up stupid clock!!  Please grant me the strength to quiet it’s piercing sound!!!




3 thoughts on “TICKTOCK that awful clock!!!!

  1. I feel ya! I had serious anxiety attacks at the beginning. A few things helped. (And you can tell me to shove it if you don’t want any suggestions. I certainly had those days.) When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. Talk about getting a raw deal! That guy was a champ and his book brought me solace. On the other side of the spectrum, watch Tig on Netflix. She is fucking hilarious. She taught me that you can laugh at anything. You seem like the kind of person who gets that.

    Liked by 1 person

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