When someone is diagnosed with a disease, you quickly find out who your true friends are. I have to admit, it would be difficult to put up with some of the awful things a person has to go through. It would not be easy to watch a loved one suffer. Feeling helpless to make the person feel better. Let me tell you how shocked and amazed I was to find out who would support me and my family and to drop everything if I needed them.
It is so hard to want to be around people when you know you are hurting them. At one time I felt I had to close myself off to protect the ones I love. I felt guilty and sad and angry about how my cancer and eminent death would hurt everyone. “The Fault In Our Stars” book/movie pretty much nailed it, “I’m like a grenade, and at some point I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties” (slightly changed by me) It is so conflicting and lonely, you want to be surrounded by friends and family but you don’t want to hurt anyone, knowing you will cause so much pain is a terrible burden. I felt I shouldn’t have had children, shouldn’t have gotten married, what a horrible person I am to do this to them!
The truth is, I can’t do this alone. In my darkest times, I am beyond thankful to have my family and friends.
Patrick and I have lost a few friends since my diagnosis. A few that we were quite surprised to lose. We do not hold anger toward them, but disappointment for sure. Why? -is the question we ask each other most. Some of the people were close, so close. Perhaps the reason they won’t or can’t be around anymore is that they just can’t handle it. As I said above, it is a challenging situation. Maybe it brings up hurtful memories. Opens their scars they fought so long to heal. Maybe they struggle with their own mortality. Maybe they just really didn’t like us and found their out. Regardless, I learned that they were not meant to be a part of this story. Sometimes as a friend we must put ourselves aside and be there for the other person. That is true friendship and love!
I am surrounded by the most steadfast people! Thank you!!! We have unlimited respect and love for each other. As much as I need them, they need me too! I would be crazy to shield myself away from them!
The people that have stayed around, put up with all my shit, stood by, were leaned on, they are the ones that deserve our time and adoration. They have supported in so many ways: came to appointments, made us dinner, sent a simple card expressing love and support, bringing me your favorite scarf for my bald head, calling or messaging just to check in, dropping by, letting me cry it out, helping us move, listening, going on adventures with me, my god I cannot list all the ways in which my family and friends have touched my life and heart. I swear I would have given up by now without you!
I love you: Patrick, Ethan, Naomi, Tina, Cindy, Aboudy, Noah, Benjamin, Aunt Eileen & Uncle Len, Jenn & Brian, Jen & Mat, Shannon & Mark, Kathy & Vic, Mom, Uncle Donnie & Aunt Linda & Fam, Kyla, Tash & Fred, Aunt Betty & fam, Darlene Dave & Fam, Cousin Kelly. Davey Belkis & Fam, Deedee, Emile & Erin, Lisa & Ricky, Granny, Elaine Pete & Fam, all my cousins!! all my family in New Brunswick East Coast represent!!! All my LifeLabs ladies!! All my readers!! My supporters!! My fellow fighters!!
*If I missed anyone, I am sorry. I do not often proofread, my writing is organic and sometimes I post too quickly. Just remember, I love you too! xo