So yes, it’s back baby! FUCK!
I know it has been a while and I apologize to those who are reading, following… caring.
While I held on so strongly to the belief that I could overcome this nasty disease, I was firmly put into my place, cancer sharpened it’s teeth and bit down with a tyrannical grip to maintain it’s claim within my body.
So not only has it grown but it has mutated and grown resistant. I go for a biopsy on Thursday to see what it has turned itself into. If it turns out the way I hope it does not, there will not be much in the way of treatment except chemotherapy for the rest of my life, for the rest of my life!!!! I also read that when breast cancer becomes endocrine resistant it lessens the life span considerably, terrifying to say the least. Where does that leave me, wishing on a star and praying for a miracle. I have no idea what will happen over the next while, pray this next chemo works well for me friends!
So this is how I am, feeling, I remember seeing this live and my heart broke but I understood, understood his frustration, anger, sadness, feeling like a trapped animal without escape, without control of the next…I want to scream, I want to run away, run away from the pain, run away from this reality!!! I am so filled with fear as to what this next step means.
OK, rant over, feels good to let it out. I feel a little exposed and guilty for writing these things. Not a pity party just a good release!
Again, I promise to fight, fight and fight some more! I will keep you all updated, hopefully with better things than this.
Love to all xo