This post is definitely a ramble, but hey the title of my blog already warned you!!! 😉
Things that are important now differ from what was important before. Sad but true story- I was driving from my friend Jenn’s house one day and decide to try a different route home. She hadn’t lived their very long and I was testing drive times. Anyhoo…along this particular street is a cemetery, now I know the cemetery had been there but here is what is strange. They had a big advertising sign out front featuring a grand opening of their brand new crematorium! I got (truly and sadly) excited and slowed down to read it saying out loud “ohhhh that’s cool, I need to remember this place… Just an example of how different the mind can change after a cancer diagnosis.
Cancer can shift your outlook forever and in a deep way. You look at things differently, life is not what it used to be, what was important is not anymore and what we barely noticed is most prominent. we speak about sickness and death in almost a lighter way too, trust me this makes people VERY uncomfortable.
Funny thought, we complain about what stupid things non-cancer people say to cancer peeps but seriously think about some of the things we cancer people may have said that shock, hurt or make someone feel bad or even stupid. “I am going to lose my hair!” “I am so tired!””Well, I am dying!” “It’s not curable!” “Fuck neuropathy!” “I am in so much pain!” “I feel sick everyday!” “I hate chemo!” “I signed my end of life papers!” “I am glad to hear he/she was cured, but that is not the kind of cancer I have!” “Cancer sucks!””Don’t you hate it when you get diarrhea from chemo!” “Anemia sucks balls!” “So I keep puking my guts out…” These statements are not setting our loved one up for great success! It would hurt my heart if I had to hear about the terrible things my person was going through! Then, it could also be really annoying, who wants to listen to someone ALWAYS telling someone how horrible their life is!!! Just sayin’ we need to recognize my fellow cancer army , we are as annoying as they are!!!!!
We are in a different world they couldn’t possibly understand and we need to cut some slack! They are just want to be reassuring or supportive and they don’t know quite how to do it! Try to remember what we would have said before the diagnosis. I would have said more than half of the things people have said to me! I may have already inserted my foot into mouth many times…oops. No one really understands until they have been here/there, whether as a patient,sister,husband,friend it is hard to not be offended or roll our eyes.
One thing for sure, cancer people can make non-cancer people feel uncomfortable and annoyed and non-cancer people can offend and annoy non-cancer people!
Just love one another and be patient and kind to all!!!
Much love Krista xox