Next week I will have a mastectomy.
From the beginning of all this I have been told that surgery was not an option. Not an option because it was too late. Mastectomies are usually used to stop the cancer from spreading aka metastasize. I was not ready to hear this as an option and it has come out of nowhere! In the beginning, I would have gladly given up any part of my body if it meant I could beat this beast, but my mind is not in that place anymore and I am sad. I have struggled to come to terms with this surgery.
As I stare at the boob that betrayed me with it’s ever expanding tumor, dent and disappearing nipple, I tried to imagine what my chest will look like without it. I wont lie, I am terrified. Having my boobs has always brought me some sort of comfort with this disease. Cancer has already, and continues, to take so much and now I can add my breast to the list. I am gutted and shocked at this plan. I have cried, mourned the breast that I will lose. I was also told reconstruction was not an option for me, it will cause too many complications. So for the rest of my life I will be a lopsided scarred mess!
but, as of today, I am ready. Ready for the surgery and ready for the recovery. I have done research and found great comfort in finding out this may bring years to my life! This surgery may be able to finally let us get some control over this nasty cancer. Also, I am getting a much needed break from chemo! Ahhhhh… a month or so without taxol, I am most excited about this lol!
So there are a few positives and I will focus on those instead of the negatives! As for what is to become of my body, I will put it out of my mind for now and take one step at a time! Staying strong and positive until the bandages come off!