About a month ago, I started to feel more pain. Pain has been a part of my everyday for as long as I can remember, but with MBC it has strongly progressed through these almost 4 years. Every time I think pain has hit it’s highest point and could not get any worse, it hits another high and I am shocked when it hurts more. A week ago, I had to send myself to the hospital as I was experiencing the worst pain I have felt so far. Literally, I was crying and screaming and did not know how to escape it. My poor mom was so freaked out. After a weeks stay with palliative care, we finally were able to somewhat control this awful pain and I came home with a plan to start radiation on quite a few spots of my skeleton. I am nervous about the rads but excited to know it will help with the pain. I am focusing on trying to get passed all the nastiness it will bring until the relief comes.
We sadly learned that after only 3 treatments of the last chemo, it has failed and there is again progression. No one, not even my Onc was expecting this devastating news. The plan right now is to control the pain first! And we are doing a CT soon to check what organ involvement may be happening.
This is a hard post for me. I am terrified and very sad. I have initially been given these 3 choices: give the last chemo a try (which has a probability of 5 percent working for only 3 mths), search for a trial drug that I might fit into (in hopes that I get meds and not placebo) or do nothing.
Since we were blindsided a bit and we did not have ALL info, I am hoping after these next 2 weeks we can find some sort of miracle to give me life. I will not speculate on time, there is really no way of knowing.
Here is my promise to my family and friends, I will not stop fighting, I will not stop treatments until I have exhausted them all, I will fight for my life with every ounce of strength I have.
Thank you all for caring, supporting, loving and reading!!
I will keep you posted with updates
Love and laughter xo