I apologize to my loyal readers and followers! These past few months have been very difficult.Not only did I contract the shingles (which was totally horrid) but also, as most of you know, my “horn” betrayed me and became a 6.5cm tumor. Some of the side effects I had include; double vision, nausea, vomiting (I lost 35 lbs), extreme fatigue (like no other, I couldn’t get out of bed), right body paralysis, I could not walk and fell down a lot, headaches and daily awful pain. I prayed to die almost everyday, for months, it was my worst life.
Finally, after almost a year of “living” like that, an MRI of my brain was ordered on a late Friday night and I was sent directly to Sunnybrook the next day. This is where I met the amazing Dr. Mainprize! He took one look at my head and said, “ok, that needs to come out, now!” So first thing Sunday morning I was sent in for brain surgery. I was scary but exciting too.
The surgery was complicated but successful, can I get an AMEN! Mainprize basically saved my life. If the surgery did not happen, I would have died within days to weeks. No joke, scariest shit ever! So out with the tumor and in with the metal plate, airports should be interesting now lol, if I ever get off my ass and get my passport renewed!
Recovery was so easy at first, I was home by Monday night! Immediately most side effects were gone, yet another AMEN please. So even though the removal was successfully removed, we had to follow up with some radiation just to make sure all the tiniest bits and bobs were irradicated. Lost half of the hair on my head and the area where the tumor was, ballooned bigger than it was before, fuck sakes. On top of that my nausea and vomiting returned also boo. I hated the way I looked, felt like a mutant that would scare small children. Couldn’t leave the house, could barely leave my bed.
At this point, as grateful as I was my life had been extended, I started feeling horrible again and spiraled into the worst depression I have ever felt. The past year had given a mastectomy, more chemo, a shit ton of radiation, shingles, brain surgery and depression like no other. What a year! To say the least! Any one of those could defeat a person.
I had a conversation with myself and vowed, if I could get through this massive shit storm of a year and cancer almost won……HELL NO! I felt a strength within my weakness and basically told cancer to fuck right off! It was messing with the wrong woman! Nice try but you lose another round!
So after a few months, healing, praying, soul searching and changes in medications, I am beginning to feel like my old self. Ready to fight the fight and kick some ass and start living again. It is still a struggle most days but I am getting there and will get there, no doubt!
I have to thank my husband, Pat! What in the hell would I have done without you? My rock and supporter. My caregiver of things sometimes humiliating, but he never faltered and I am beyond words to express the love and gratitude I have for this man. My mother, kids, family and friends, have always supported and stood by me, what can I say but I thank you, so very much and I love you all!
Till next time love and laughter to you all xox